Saskia Slotboom wanted to study psychology. Architecture also looked interesting. Her maths and physics were good, her study advisor pointed her towards Delft, and psychology quietly dropped off the plan.
Seven years later she graduated with a master's in building technology. She took a job at a small architectural firm doing calculations and tender documents, and within months she was miserable. Nothing was wrong with the work. She had simply never worked out what gave her energy, and the answer turned out to be people. Authentic leadership for engineers usually starts with exactly that question, and almost nobody asks it at university.
She moved into project management at the Dutch government agency for buildings and grew from assistant to almost senior. Then came the part she remembers most clearly. She was 30, responsible for budgets and planning, chairing a team, and telling men in their fifties with decades more experience what to do next. She did not feel like a leader. She felt like a girl in a room full of adults.
Coaching helped. She liked it enough to train in it, and eventually left project management altogether.
This conversation is about the half of the job nobody teaches you. What happens when your calculations stop speaking for you, and you have to.
What You'll Learn in This Episode
It means leading without performing a version of yourself you cannot sustain. Saskia works with engineers who are told to be more visible, more social, better presenters. Her position is that you do not have to become an extrovert to lead. You find the version of visibility that fits you, and you say out loud what you are good at and where you need help. Once one person does that, others follow, and the culture shifts.
Start by naming the tension honestly. Most engineers want their work recognised and dislike the idea of selling themselves. Saskia still cringes when she writes a LinkedIn post about a client result. Her engineer friends told her liking her posts felt fake. The practical move is to find language you can live with. If "visible" repels you, that word is the problem, not the goal.
Thank the person, and then decide. Olivia spent years believing every piece of feedback obliged her to act. It took until her early thirties to separate receiving feedback from acting on it. Some feedback you use. Some you file. Both are legitimate responses, and neither requires an argument in the moment.
More reliable than the word suggests. Olivia checked construction invoices worth millions and sometimes felt the numbers were wrong before she could show it. She would investigate, call the contractor, and find the error. Saskia's framing is that this feeling is the sum of your knowledge, your history and your expertise arriving faster than your reasoning. Expertise is the better word for it.
No, and expecting it will exhaust you. Saskia points out that every person has parts that are well developed and parts that are not, including people in senior roles. Olivia's version is that focus only works in one direction at a time. Look at one thing and the rest of the room goes blurry. That is what focus means.
Also in This Episode
Alphas and betas do not translate. Dutch universities have long split subjects into alpha, meaning language and law, and beta, meaning maths, physics and engineering. Saskia writes about training betas. An American coach once asked her how she could categorise people that way, because in English those words carry a completely different meaning. She now says "professionals in STEM fields" when she works internationally.
Coaching is normal in the Netherlands. It was not everywhere. Saskia got a coach and a mentor at 30 because her employer ran a programme for everyone managing projects. Olivia's experience in Austria was the opposite. You were an engineer, you figured it out, and words like coach and mentor sounded like nonsense. Saskia sees this changing quickly, and younger engineers now expect the support.
Resistance in the room is information. Olivia once ran a company course where a participant sat with her arms crossed and opened with "I hate English." Olivia was pleased, because it told her the work was not grammar. Saskia takes the same view of doubt in her groups. Someone saying they do not see the point is engaged. Silence tells you nothing.
Your body reports before you do. Saskia has been working with somatic experiencing, which treats tension as a measurable physical event. Blood pressure, muscle tension, a stomach in a knot. Stress rises and needs to come down again, and when it stops coming down you get burnout. She likes it because it is technical, and so did Olivia.
Showing your cards builds trust faster than convincing people does. Saskia's advice is to say the quiet part first. Tell people what you are unsure about, or that you think they will disagree. There is more on this in the soft skills article, which goes into what it sounds like in practice.
Resources and Links
From this episode
- Saskia's free reflection tool: English | Dutch
- The Culture Map by Erin Meyer, which Olivia mentions in most episodes and used to work out that German feedback is not rude, just German
Read next on Marcode
- Soft Skills for Engineers: It Is a Translation, Not a Transformation
- Why Engineers Need Emotional Intelligence
- The Hidden Risks in Global Engineering Teams
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Connect with Saskia Slotboom
Saskia Slotboom is a coach and trainer for professionals in STEM fields. She works on communication, influencing, public speaking and personal leadership. Before that she spent years as a project manager in Dutch public infrastructure.
Connect with Olivia Augustin
Olivia Augustin is a civil engineer and certified English as a 2nd language and Business English teacher. With her one-on-one lessons and group courses, she teaches non-native English-speaking engineers the kind of English that gets the job done.
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